So I have the hots for a guy in my acting class. When we do a scene together I quite literally dissolve underneath his gaze. It would be all fine and dandy if he just wasn't MARRIED.
I feel horrible. I feel guilty, dirty, and down right sinful. I've never been attracted to anyone who was married because I find wedding rings to be highly unattractive. When I see a handsome man and get a whiff of a wedding band, he's instantly transformed into asexual brother/father figure. I just don't think of married men that way because A. It's not right B. I have too much respect for marriage (and their wives) C. If I were married I would never want anyone looking at my husband. I might cut a hoe.
But he's dreamy actor dude and he's prompted a moral dilemma in me:
How will I ever be able to have a healthy, happy, highly functional romantic relationship when I'm slobbing on hot actors all day long on set, stage, or in class?? How do people do that?!
It's just not human. Even if you're not particularly attracted to someone initially, after weeks or months immersed in realistically portraying someone's romantic partner, getting intensely intimate, it's only natural to bond. And what if you were attracted to them to begin with? How do you turn off those feelings, then genuinely depict them, then "turn them off" again, then go home to your significant other as if nothing out of the ordinary happened? Just because you're getting paid for it doesn't mean it's not cheating...In my case, the severity of the problem lies in the fact that there is mutual attraction and hence the intimacy exercises in class can be used as a means to act out what is morally corrupt outside of class. Though I would never act on my attraction, nor do I show it or consciously pursue time with him in class, I am aware of our attraction and that tension in itself bothers me.
Is it really possible to be truly faithful as an actor? There's a deep, dark crevice in my conscience that's loudly whispering maybe not....