How Did This Happen?

As a child I knew that I would one day move to Hollywood and be a movie star. I came to the conclusion that the reason why God ordained that I spend the prime of my childhood in Bolingbrook, Illinois, a town where cornfields go to die, was because I needed to be able to truly relate to my fans, i.e. the little people. There are enough self-indulgent, prodigal actresses whom could care less about their audiences or making a real difference in the world. God knew that if He birthed me in Los Angeles, I would become one of them; another sick, spoiled slut who carries animals in $1,000 handbags and pays someone to manicure her pubic hair. So instead, He graciously decided to plop me in middle America, have my parents forgo saving for my college education, and humble me by preoccupying my best years serving others. It's really quite a blessing if you think about it. Devoting your life to serving others is beautiful; altruistic. It may not be my first choice in vocation but I have learned an essential lesson: there is substantial value in developing the skill to subjugate your ego and maintain a gentle demeanor no matter how someone treats you. It's the whole Gandhi, Martin Luther King business. There are few greater lessons in humility than waiting tables. Of course, it would be easier if so many people in LA weren't worthless, cloven-footed monsters whose goal in life is to crush souls since they don't have them. People too often bring their shit to dinner at restaurants and wanna dump it all over me. I don't like other people's shit on me. But no matter what, I have to eat it with a smile on my face because "that's my job." Bollocks. My job is not to take people's shit. It's simply to be pleasant while I find out what they want to eat, bring it to them, and make sure they pay with a smile. Because I'm awesome and slightly care about human beings, I might throw in a few extra smiles and corny jokes. However, if I had not learned the essential lesson of stuffing my ego, I most likely would have strangled someone's grandmother by now. So how did this happen to me? If I don't like my job, why don't I just quit? Read on...